The Well of Epiphany

“Go ahead, I’ll be right behind…” “Come fast, I’m waiting downstairs…” 

Being already cautious of my ever-increasing weight, I chose not to take the elevator. They say, “While going up, it’s the first step that is the hardest”. Well, it’s also true when you trip down the stairs.  I took my first step on my own, and well… the second, the third and the fourth steps were taken care by the wet floor.  “Did anyone see me?? I hope not!” , I whispered to myself As I gathered myself and rose up to march on this difficult flight of stairs, little did I know that the wet floor was too friendly to me. A loud thud of the fall once again, and I fell at the feet of my crush like the Newton’s apple. Already embarrassed and weak at knees, I gathered all my strength and rose up, only to fall once again. However, this time into a deep well of epiphany. 

Good morning friends...

Remember that unfortunate day of Chauri-Chaura incident after which our beloved Bapu got convinced to call off the Non-cooperation movement!? Alas! such a sad demise of a beautiful movement at the drop of a hat. Bapu was trying to do the right thing. But did he do it the right way? Well, Bapu had 2 choices: doing the right things, OR, doing things right. 

Friends, we often have two choices in life, and, that was the epiphany I had when I slipped on those stairs and then into that well. 

Of course, the Janitor cleaning those stairs was doing the right thing; but perhaps if she would have done it in the right way by also keeping the ‘wet floor’ sign... somewhere….. anywhere….. I would have been cautious and not slipped. Well, the janitor had 2 choices: doing the right things, OR, doing things right. 

It was the first campus interview of my then dream company, Microsoft. There I was sitting in front of the interviewer: 

 I had sweaty PALM,   yet showed CALM... 
 He asked me PALINDROME,   I had KNOW-IT-ALL SYNDROME... 
 I wrote the CODE,   he needed PSEUDO-CODE... 
My code was free from ERROR,    It still showed I wasn’t CLEVER... 

If only I had not boasted about my coding skills in front of the interviewer and stuck to the right way “Pseudo-code first”…Perhaps I would have been selected. Well, I had 2 choices: doing the right things, OR, doing things right. 

Disheartened by the rejection I started my journey back from Hyderabad on the same day, only to be stuck midway due to a transportation strike. And here I was amongst a hundred others who had become PUNCHING BAGS in between the dispute of the workers and the Government. Stuck in this ordeal, I recalled news from Japan and wished if I was there instead. 

 It is a Monday morning here in Japan. Everything worked as usual – The buses moved, people commuted, everything was peaceful, like clockwork – EXCEPT – the bus drivers gave free rides to the passengers… Yes, no tickets - free rides to everybody, from anywhere to everywhere – Because it was strike day. The workers and government were having a feud. Well, the bus drivers had 2 choices: doing the right things, OR, doing things right. 

Friends, “doing right things, OR, doing things right” Prima facie these two sentences look similar – the same number of words, the same number of alphabets and syllables. However, just a small difference in their order can make a big difference in our lives. While doing the right things is vital, it is not just enough.  

Remember one door… THAT ONE DOOR we all hate so much. That innocent looking door which lures us into pushing it, whereas it’s meant to be pulled. We all fall prey to this innocent looks; smashing our face into the door, making our nose flat. EVERY SINGLE TIME. What if the door was designed alright? Well, our noses would have been saved. 

Friends, since I’ve already slipped into this well of epiphany, I can say that it’s too deep. But I can vouch if anybody will slip into it, they’ll come out stronger, smarter, stellar. 

Forget not, we all have 2 choices: doing the right things, OR, doing things right.  

Right in own eyes

A couple of days ago, I visited a salon to get a haircut.  It was 8 in the evening, but the lighting and the hustle inside the salon had camouflaged the dusk. I settled in one of the seats at the extreme corner and a middle-aged hairdresser came to me and gracefully started working on my hair. She cut the ends of my tresses and blow dried it perfectly. Then it was my turn. She asked me to check if it looked okay to me.   I jumped out of my chair, In front of a big wide mirror….

I turned my head to the EAST and my cut looked alright.

I turned my head to WEST and everything was still alright. I turned my head to the MIRROR, and there was no light….

Pitch-Black darkness had covered the room.

Damn!! Load shedding in Bangalore. 

Good afternoon friends!!

Back in my college days, I remember being an agony aunt to my best friend. I would advise her on all the topics ranging from time management, relationships, weight management and what not! At times many of my advice would be utterly unsolicited.

Yet, today as I stand here and struggle to manage my weight; ironically none of my advice seems to work for me.

How is it that we give great advice to our friends and family but when the problem is with us or within us, all those advice are in vain? I’m sure you all would have experienced this. Efficiently giving free advice to everybody but becoming dumb-struck when it comes to us!!??

Well, having done a retrospection and being a protégé to many, I can tell exactly how we can break from this Solomon’s Paradox.

Imagine an iron knife with blunt edges. It cannot be used to cut or slice anything. Now to sharpen this knife, it must meet another piece of iron. Only when the knife is held at a right angle against another rotating iron plate, the rough edges of the knife get sharpened. And then it is ready to use.

We all are like this blunt edge of a knife. Messy, flawed, imperfect, clumsy in some or the other aspect of our lives. We all have moments when we need help and need some sharpening. And there are times when we feel razor sharp and capable of helping the other person. To sharpen our blunt edges, it is vital that we meet the right mentor who’s already polished and sharpened.   

Fortunately, I have had many experienced and polished mentors who’ve helped me grow in every big or small thing.

For instance, back then, I remember whenever my mentor started giving me feedback. I would instantly interrupt him to fill the remainder of what I would expect him to say. Or sometimes, I would respond to his feedback saying, “I know”. And my mentor really had to put tremendous efforts to change my small behavioral response from “I know” to “You’re right”. I'm sure all the mentors would have faced this.

I can also clearly recall how my mentor played a big role in changing my mindset. While it is good to be independent, it’s best to seek help and others’ perspective when needed. If it wasn’t for my mentor, I wouldn’t have been saying this here.

While I was miffed in many instances because my mentor did not give me direct answers to my problems, I’m grateful to him for teaching me ways to get to that answer. Sometimes it's not about the answer but the journey we have to travel to finds the answer.

I realize I was a fool when I was too quick to think that, my haircut looked “Right” just by checking from the left side and right side. Because maybe that cut wasn’t best for me.

As I came back home, my friend held a hand mirror in front of me. At that moment, standing in between the two parallel mirrors, not only could I see my haircut properly, but I noticed, my infinite images that were created. Perhaps the infinite images were nothing but the infinite potential that an individual has when the right mentor helps one see, what otherwise is not visible to him.

Because, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel.

A good mentor might let u sleep with painful pangs of hunger but wouldn't let you die of starvation, true that he'll not feed you a fish but he'll teach you how to fish; which you will remember for the rest of the life.

The Power of WHY

Years ago, there was a king who had no children. And with every passing year he was more and more worried to find the right man who would take his place. Then one day, to test a promising candidate, the king summoned all the potential candidates to a countryside place where there was a massive sinkhole. It was an enormous hole in the ground which could fit even a soccer field. Pointing to the hole the king asked, “What should I do with this hole?”.

“Fill it with water!”,

“Build a bridge across the sinkhole”,

“Make it a graveyard”,

“Camouflage the sinkhole to protect from the enemies”.

All the interesting and novel ideas started floating. Every candidate came up with an idea better than the previous one. King was delighted to hear all the ideas.

Then came a young boy’s turn. Without any hesitation, he said, “Why do anything with the hole?”
Silence prevailed. Everyone was shocked by his impudence.

Surprisingly, however, the king congratulated the boy and made him the next heir to the throne of that kingdom.

Hi Friends! Now let me ask you’ll one question.

Put yourself in a leader’s shoe and tell me what is most important for you and for your success – Is it the process, the organization, the timelines, goals or the people?

I bet it is the people. Because people build organizations, processes are meant for people, timelines are adhered by people and goals are achieved by none other but, people. 

And one of the leadership styles that pay close attention to people is Affiliative leadership.

An Affiliative leader is the one that follows the “People First” approach. These leaders show warmth and acceptance to members and create emotional bonds with them. Because of the warmness provided, members feel safe and have a strong sense of belonging to the organization and perform better. This leadership style is most effective when there is a need to mend bad feelings that may have developed in a group, or to motivate others during times of heavy workload and stress. This is one of the most impactful leadership styles. Some of the popular affiliative leaders are Dalai Lama, Joe Torre, etc.

According to a career builder survey, 54% of the employees stayed at their current jobs because they felt good with the bosses who watched out for them. While 32% said that they liked the people they worked with. This information shows that employees greatly value the individuals they work with. Hence a harmonious working environment is one of the important factors for productive results. And Affiliative leaders tap into this desire by facilitating a trusting employee relationship.

On the other side of the coin, affiliative leaders sometimes have a difficult time tackling with underperformers. Since poor performers might go un checked in the team, some employees might get an impression that their mediocre performance is good enough.

Nonetheless, the key to being a great leader is understanding what your people want and expect from you and why they want it. While sharing a shared goal and vision, leaders not only need to know what their followers are doing but they also need to understand why they are doing it. 

And going back to the king’s surprising decision to make the young boy as his heir...

The boy could not answer to the king’s question until he knew the king’s ‘WHY’. Only if he understood the king’s intentions behind dealing with the sinkhole, he could advise him to create the desired outcome. Perhaps, then the proper course of action was to do nothing. The king recognized that the young boy was insightful enough to seek out his intentions and uncover his “WHY”.

Fast forward to several centuries to today. Ask yourself,

“Why do you come to work every day?”

“Why do you as an organization do what you do?” 

And once you can answer these questions for yourself, extend the “WHY” to others. If you want to transform an organization, it begins by transforming the people. And to do so, you need to understand who they are as individuals.